Things You Shouldn’t Say to Your Mistress
These are hilarious (borrowed content):
“OUCH!” "Quit it!" "Ow, damnit!" and cursing a blue streak are not safe words.
"Oh my god, where did you get those, they are gorgeous!!!" is not considered boot worship.
Flipping your domme off while your hands are cuffed behind your back is a bad idea. Mistresses have ways of knowing these things.
"Bite me" is never an intelligent response to a command.
Doing your Beavis and Butthead imitation of "Fire, fire, fire, fire!" during Mistress’ lecture on fireplay safety is considered rude.
Responding with "Yes, All Wise, All Knowing Grand Imperial Weenie" is not appropriate when Mistress asks you if you are comfortable during a bondage scene.
Asking to go to the bathroom every five minutes while Mistress practices her Japanese rope work on you will try her patience, quickly.
Crossing your eyes and sticking your tongue out while your domme is discussing your punishment is not wise.
Pretending Mistress’ collection of buttplugs are toys and singing the "Weebles wobble but they won't fall down" song is not a good idea.
Repeatedly blowing out each candle Mistress lights during wax play will get you punished.
"I know you are but what am I?" is not the appropriate response when called a raunchy little anal slut during humiliation play.
"Missed me, missed me, now ya gotta kiss me" is an unacceptable remark when Mistress’ flogger slips.
When Mistress pulls out her bullwhip and says she wants to play, she doesn't mean hide-and-seek...she will find you eventually.
Calling Merry Maids when you are ordered to spruce the place up is not what your domme had in mind.
"Oh, and you think I am?" is an unacceptable response to hearing your domme say she is not pleased.
Adding "Ma’am" or "Mistress" to "Fuck that plan!" will NOT save you.
Singing the chorus of "Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better" under your breath during a session is considered foolhardy.
Arguing whether "Mistress might not be right, but Mistress is never wrong" is Zen or Buddhist philosophy will only get you rewarded with kneeling in the corner on a bed of Legos "to help you consider the question in quiet contemplation."
Reciting nursery rhymes during an interrogation scene to crack your Mistress up only lasts for so long. Then you will pay BIG TIME.